Entry #6: Conflict Style

 

Lately, my partner and I have been discussing our ways of handling conflict as I am not the best at this. It has taken a lot of communication but learning your conflict style can happen drastically when it comes to the overall health in a relationship and being able to work out contentious spots. I took a conflict style quiz and went through my results.

My conflict style tied with Avoiding and Accommodating, and I agree with the results I was given. The avoidance conflict style is characterized by people's tendency to avoid or ignore conflicts instead of immediately dealing with them. With this strategy, people often prefer to reduce or completely avoid disagreements, arguments, and other forms of conflict. Individuals with an accommodating conflict management style put the needs and concerns of others above their own. They work to promote peace and protect relationships, frequently putting aside their own preferences and ideas in order to respect those of others.

This is something I strongly relate to. I feel that the two of these together create the phrase “people pleasing”. Without fully knowing the reason why, by personality, I am a people pleaser. I prefer to accommodate the needs of others through my actions and also by withholding them. When it comes to making decisions and reaching a point of conflict, I tend to avoid and ignore issues in the hopes they will pass with time or to meet the needs and wants of other people by withholding them.

I don’t like intense verbal altercations. I am not one to plead my case or prove a point. If I ever do feel the need to make an idea known, it's usually very quietly and through the actions of others. For example, if I've tried a certain restaurant and I know the food there isn’t good and is overpriced, but my friend really wants to try it, I will let them try it and discover the truth for themselves. It is better than them keeping some resentment towards me or lasting curiosity about the food if I were the one to have made the decision. 

This is a characteristic that I feel isn’t always healthy. It generally leads to unhappiness within myself in the long run. Something that I am currently working on is knowing that it is okay to have firm opinions and that conflict isn’t always a bad thing. Speaking up isn’t a form of talking back. Being individualistic should be a good trait to have. 

Conflict_Management_Styles_Assessment.pdf (blake-group.com)